It is too much
it simply is too
much
everything is too much
cooking – too much
shopping for food – too much
going to work – too much
going to school – too much
taking care of business – too much
talking to people, strangers and friends alike – too much
smiling – too much
trusting – too much
deciding – too much
seeking a flat – too much.
I am so tired
I want to sleep
let everything sag
my face, my jaw
my skull, my skin
my soul
my brain
my thoughts
I want to let everything sag
against my soft, sweet-scented pillow.
I want to draw a breath
unencumbered
I want to heave a sigh
letting the air stream freely
without purpose
just for breathing’s sake
I want to no longer
think “I have to”
which is all I’m thinking now.
I want to think about God leisurely
talk to him
concentrate on him
on me
reflect my life
think about its purpose
where do I want it to go
oh – I so long to be free
of everything, only for some weeks
and be able to dig deep
unencumbered by daily worries.
I am so tired.
My throat aches.
My body is a load.
My emotions a turmoil
I’m too tired to groom.
My room is a mess, has been a mess for weeks.
I’m unable to clean it up
- reflection of my soul?
I am so tired.
I know I am headed in the right direction,
but what twists and turns my path is taking now,
I know not.
Maybe I’m trying too hard.
Maybe I should just let it go.
See what happens.
But what about
“getting back what you put in”
“not letting yourself being discouraged”?
“not giving up”?
When am I giving up? When am I clinging to
something that’s just not meant to be?
How to make out the difference?
I am so tired.
I am so tired of worrying.
Of thinking. Of evaluating.
Of being scared.
I am so tired of worrying.
